Very NonHistorical Spying
by SiGaSoGM
Summary: It is the 15th century. Hungary needs to turn her war against the Ottoman Empire around. She needs information, and a certain someone knows exactly how to solve that problem.


The 15th century. Hungary was in the middle of an intense and long war with the Ottoman Empire. She was also quite adept at gaining information.

"Turkey, don't you run away from me!" yelled Hungary as she chased after him with a large wooden spoon. Turkey, at the time the Ottoman Empire, had ordered a retreat after she beat him in battle – one of the few battles she'd win this war. Most of the reason was because, out of frustration, she decided to impale all of his soldiers on pikes and make a forest of them, which scared Turkey quite a bit.

'This is so tiring', thought Hungary, adding 'I need to find better ways to deal with this before he comes back. He's so persistent! I mean, he's already got Spain, what could he possibly want with me?' Hungary, after climbing on her black steed, ordered her men to go home for the day, as the battle had been won.

Several days later, Hungary was looking at a map when someone came to visit her house. He stood there waiting for her to notice him. Hungary turned away from the map in frustration, paced around the room, and then promptly ran into him, which sent her falling to the ground. After all this she still didn't notice him standing there, up until he offered a helping hand.

"It looks like you could use some help, and not just with your crash to the ground." She looked up at the figure dressed in ornate purple clothing. "So, Turkey's been giving you some trouble?"

"What are you doing here! Go away; I don't need your help." She grabbed his hand anyway and Austria lifted her up. "Er, aside from that. Why would you want to help me anyway?" Hungary asked, dusting off her teal dress.

"Why not? He's my enemy too. Perhaps you'd like to join me so we can take him on together?" Austria proposed.

"Join you? _You_? You can't even defend against Mongolia well, what makes you think you'd be of any use here?" She asked him. Several hundred years earlier, Hungary successfully warded off a Mongol invasion using her superior castle-building techniques.

"I've improved, trust me. Besides, you're running quite low on soldiers! Would you really take him on alone and with your spatula?" Austria asked, holding a broken wooden spoon. "I found this outside."

"Give me that!" She swiped it from him, and threw the offending spoon out the window. "I was using that to hit Turkey. What I need is a way to beat him! Some major cities that I can attack, things I can use to decrease his numbers, anything!"

Upon hearing this, Austria suggested something she could try doing. "Have you considered spying?"

Hungary's eyes widened at this realisation. "Spying?" She repeated. "Why, I haven't, actually. I was hoping he'd be too frightened of my forest of dead people to attack me."

"It's a little creepy, now that you mention it. Why do you have a sudden need to show off dead people like that?" Austria asked. He sat down on a chair Hungary had by her map. "Anyway, I've got some information. Here, sit with me."

Hungary walked back to the desk and sat on Austria's lap. "You took my chair!" He didn't comment, so she just looked at it and ranted.

"He's been sending people in like crazy! It's so hard to fight off an empire so huge." Austria pointed to some key locations on the map, mostly on the southern border.

"They have Constantinople. You should focus your attacks around there!"

"That's ridiculous! I can't take on Constantinople! I'd need more men than I can possibly imagine for…" Her words trailed off as she came to a realisation, one whose lap she had been sitting on.

"Yes?" Austria asked.

"Don't tell me… I'm going to need to rely on your help for this? That's so laughable I could punch somebody!" She proceeded to punch him, causing him to fall onto the floor.

"But I thought you didn't want my help!" Austria asked. Hungary stared at him, with parts of her long hair falling to the front of her face as she debated whether or not it was a stupid idea.

"Tell me more of your information." She decided.

"Information isn't free, you know." Austria smirked.

Hungary stood up, walked to where Austria had landed, and, without any warning kissed him. "I want you to tell me what you know," she said after pulling away. "It's so important, you know."

"A kiss isn't enough for information. You must be new to this spying business." Austria kissed her again, slipping his arms behind her and pulling her in, making sure she couldn't escape his grasp. She had her hands on his back as well, but she was hitting him with her hands rather than holding him. Her attack grew weaker as she succumbed to the kiss, and she gave one last useless punch to the side of his head before losing all feeling in her arms and letting her hands rest on his shoulders.

Austria pulled away and walked toward the map, leaving Hungary to fall to the ground after losing herself completely and closing her eyes. She got back up and looked at him angrily.

"Hey! What was that for?" She yelled at him. "I thought I was doing pretty good at this spying thing!"

He smiled, chuckling softly. "I want only one thing. Join my house, and you'll get as much unlimited help as you need." Hungary stared at him in disbelief.

"Join your- JOIN YOUR HOUSE! You're joking, right?" Her face was red with mixed feelings, which included anger, embarrassment, humiliation, and most importantly, one which overrides all over those. She stomped to Austria with rage, but ended up grabbing hold of him and kissing him once more. As she held him with one hand, she loosened her dress with the other. The final emotion she felt was lust, and for the next few hours, that was her only emotion.

She forcefully threw his coat off, and continued to French him with all of her might. In reply, Austria's hands wandered to her back and untied the strings holding her dress together, loosening it even more. It slowly slipped down, curtaining down from her waist and arms, revealing her bare chest. She no longer had any reservations about what she was doing. The combination of her desire to destroy Turkey and her passions of that moment of wanting to be Austria's conquest only fuelled this.

Austria had only just pulled away from their lengthy kiss before he realised his breeches were missing. He didn't even know how she was able to do that, but soon she was tearing – not pulling off, but, in pure, carnal lust ripping off of his body – his shirt to pieces in an attempt to get it off faster. Hungary shoved him onto her desk and kissed his neck. Austria tried to hide his embarrassment after noticing that this situation was completely backwards. He thought he would be the one pushing his conquest onto a desk or bed and screwing her senseless, not the other way around.

Hungary soon shed her dress off, and her slim, bare form was in plain view to Austria's whimpering eyes. Both were in the nude, but Austria felt completely naked and defenceless to these advances. 'Was SHE really losing this war?' he thought. It didn't matter, because soon he was breathless as she kissed his chest. 'This is just totally wrong!' he thought to himself afterwards. She kissed his torso lower and lower until she was at his waist.

Austria was too frightened to do anything as Hungary poked his stiff rod. He was so completely aroused by the situation he wanted to cry, or play an appropriate piano song, or both. Hungary was a completely different person now, as he felt her warm breath on his erection, followed by complete and total envelopment. She was breaking so many of her own laws regarding what people can do with their bodies, that even peasants would weep if they saw such a thing.

Thankfully, nobody could see, so she continued doing exactly that. She was so enchanted by his solid member that she had to taste it. However, after doing so for a while, she was satisfied with the taste and stopped. She didn't do anything else, just blankly staring and breathing heavily. Austria used this moment to his advantage and slipped off the desk and picked her up while she was still reeling.

He dumped her onto the large table in the centre of the room and spread her legs wide open. He immediately dove in and licked her damp sex, causing those same legs to quiver around his face. He moved completely onto the table and was about to fully enter her with his own length when she woke up from the trance and grabbed him by his shoulders, then slammed him to her right so she could instead climb on top of him.

"Don't you forget who's at war!" she yelled, and swiftly she felt herself being filled with him. She moaned, and added, "You owe me information, by the way". She rode him, her inner muscles squeezing Austria's quickly melting candle. It's difficult to take this sort of heat, he thought. Hungary felt so much pleasure from this she decided to punch Austria for no particular reason.

They continued going at it, and eventually Austria could no longer contain himself. Hungary stopped, feeling Austria was going to explode, and stayed still. "You're not going out that easily!" In a sort of lustful anger, Austria grabbed her and picked her up, still deep into her hole. He ran to the nearest wall without even thinking and pushed her against it, forcefully continuing. He needed to badly finish.

She moaned and blushed and breathed short, quick, mousy breaths as she was pounded into the wall continuously while holding onto Austria's shoulders. She was a complete ocean of bliss, and without thinking was repeating his name over and over again. Austria could no longer take her walls trying to milk every drop out of him, and he himself was warped into a wonderland of ridiculous sex and pleasure. The two fell to the floor trying to catch their breaths, with Hungary unable to even move. Her legs were shaking rapidly, and still in a degree of heat, she moved a hand slowly to that lake between her legs. She touched herself and came almost immediately from the overwhelming sensations.

Weeks later, Turkey was on his way to another battle he would declare victorious. There he saw Hungary and he small army. Turkey was ecstatic. "This is too easy!" he shouted. "You are practically BEGGING for me to conquer you!"

Austria and his army, as well as armies of Italy, appeared on both sides of the battlefield, all staring at Turkey's suddenly relatively small army. His expression didn't change, and he thought to himself, 'Maybe I can take them on!' Then he doubted himself. He knew it wouldn't end well.

"Turkey, don't you run away from me!" Hungary yelled.


End file.
